..unclear..

everything was not finished ...
This morning I woke up very early ..
eager to prepare clothes and breakfast ..
I prepared for my family and you ..
I'm very excited ... until I did not continue my sleep
because i fear i will late ..
but what I found?
I hear the phone ringing .. yours while you
bath ..
it ring until you're finished bathing .. ..
I think there is anything .. but it turns into something that does not my expect ..
I was speechless at first .. and you do not feel as though that thing
it is a problem ..
although in the end you realize it makes me
pissed ..
you asked for this to be no problem .. and so
I forgive you immediately .. just want to make you well..
I follow what you want .. and then you suddenly gave me the news
that you already at work .. then you told me what are you doing there..
but when I reply to one you rarely unheeded ..
you really make me pissed off .. but I'm sure ..
you never noticed .. because lately I feel ..
you do not know me so well .. everybody ..
no one knows me ..
you sue me for not doing things outside the limits ..
but are you already do it?
really funny ... you're asking others to do the things that has become my routine activity in every morning to you?
i really dissapointed...

..nobody knows me..

yes..i realize that no one really knows me..neither i...maybe only God really knows me..
ì dont know what i want...but i do know what i feel in last days...
i feel empty, feel sad, feel not good in mood..
maybe better for me to stay away from my life for a while..

...enough for today...

Hari terus berlalu...
Hingga pada akhirnya kucapai puncak hariku sebagai seorang mahasiswi...
kuucapkan terima kasih kepada Tuhan dan semua orang yang turut mendukung dan membantuku untuk menjadi seperti ini..
Kuucapkan pula kepada dirimu yang selalu sabar membantuku untuk dapat menyelesaikan segalanya..
namun, setelah kelulusanku tiba...aku mendapatkan dirimu yang semakin menjauh...terus menjauh...
cukup kaget kudengar kabar darimu yang begitu cepat untuk segera meninggalkanku..
secepat itukah dirimu langsung memutar jarum jam terhadap aktivitasmu..??
tetapi kusadari..itu memang harus dijalani..karena memang sudah saatnya..dan sudah cukup kau menunda aktivitasmu demi mendukungku..
Akhirnya kuterima kenyataan tersebut dengan hati yang senang dan ikhlas..karena itu memang demi kebaikanmu..
ditengah sempitnya waktu dan tenaga baik dirimu maupun diriku..kami sempatkan untuk sekedar bertemu..walaupun pada akhirnya hanya tertinggal waktu yang sangat singkat untuk bercengkrama..karena badan yang menuntut untuk segera beristirahat agar siap menyambut rutinitas di pagi hari...
..ku jalani keseharianku tanpa dirimu yang biasanya ada dirimu disampingku...
dan hari ini...kita tutup hari ini dengan topik yang sebenarnya meng-enak-an namun menjadi tidak enak..
mungkin aku terlalu banyak meminta..namun aku memohon untuk agar sedikit tidak menunjukkan ego-mu pada saat hariku ditengah nyanyian "gaudiamus"...terlalu sulitkah?
aku tau batasanku...namun kalo itu keputusanmu...untuk tidak mau merubah sedikit ego-mu...dan memilih untuk tidak ada dihariku...
akupun hanya bisa berdiam...
dan kututup hari ini dengan kesendirian dan tidak ingin bersosialisasi...

..My 23rd..

yesterday I celebrated my 23rd..
on the night before my day .. we are still struggling with the journey that much for something that must be achieved ... very tired ..
I went home that night without you by train ..
I went home by leaving your face that I know that you're thinking about something ..
At home you called and said that you already sleepy .. but it is the seconds will enter the day of my birthday
so I decided to wrap ..

but suddenly you are contacted promptly at 0:01 in the middle of me that still sleepy ...
you say happy birthday with love .. thanks dear ..

then, in the morning ... busy family on the move again
as if there is none to remember my day ..

However, you come back give me a surprise ..
you give a message that you've been there in front of my house
I was shocked and I'm still wearing a negligee ..
I thought you only came as usual .. but this time you gave me flowers and kisses on my forehead .. so sweet..


then you brought me a cake that is very simple, but so meaningful and warm ..

Finally, my family came home, and we celebrate together with a very simple cake but it was very touching and loving

thank God for gave me a family and someone who loves me so much
thank you my love for always give me a spririt and your support ... hopefully me and you are always given a blessing...

with love from me to you...

What is wrong..

until this day..i dont know what is wrong...
i meet you all...but i feel all of you just passed me away...
you just say hello for formality...its all just formality..

...?!@#?*!..

Bangun d pagi hari..bersemangat u/ mlakukan sesuatu terkait penelitianku bermodal wall post dr kamu..
Tiba2..ada kbr yg membuatku trhenti..
Aku mencoba menghubungimu..namun spt biasa hanya ada suara beep..beep..tdk trsambung..
Aku mencoba memutar otak..u/dpt mlakukan sesuatu..ternyata ada, namun mgkn jalan ini kurasa akan mmbuatmu kesal, maka aku meminta ijin padamu..krn aku tdk ingin ada yg kututupi..aku tdk ingin kamu punya pikiran yg mcm2..shg kamu bs fokus dluar sana..
Tp ternyata aku salah..
Maaf krn aku tdk bs menjadi yg kamu harapkan..
Skrg seolah2 smangatku terbang meninggalkanku..aku tdk berdaya..bahkan u/ mengeluarkan suara saja tak bs..aku merasa tertekan..tekanan ini trasa sgt berat! Saat ini aku tdk bs berpikir..linangan ini begitu deras..aku bingung! skrg aku hanya bs memalingkan wajahku dlm ksendirian agar tak terlihat...

..just my thought..

Said want to seriously..
Plan the future together..
Imagine the future together..
Wants to grow old together..
Spending our life together..
Don't want to miss a thing with me even just a little time..
Thats why i forced you..to do more harder..
Its all i did in order to make you can to be prouded in front of my big family..
Thats all...
Am i wrong?im sorry..thats all just my thought..